Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
