I got chris browned last night
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize