brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
