this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
