When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
