i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
