You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
