Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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