hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
