I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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