I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
