I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
