god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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