I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
