It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
