It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
