Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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