You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
