ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
