I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
