the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
