whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
