Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
