so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
