dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
