When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
