the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
