Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
