It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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