If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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