i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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