Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
