So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
