Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
