Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she smelled like a LAN party
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need water and some morals
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
