How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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