You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
