I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
