I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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