Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
