i just wanna soil my oats bro
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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