She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
