i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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