i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
