He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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