I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Maybe he injected his testicle?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
