Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
