it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
