HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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