Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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