I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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