New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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