I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
