I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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