dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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