maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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