Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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