the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
