can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
