tell your sister to shave her snatch
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
