Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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