Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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