I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
