Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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