I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
