Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
