and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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