I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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