I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
