I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
