i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
