I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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