i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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