The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
