Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
