Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
zippers are such a cool invention
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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