Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize