Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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