Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
