You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
