he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
