I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
