Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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