How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
