ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish I only lived at night.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
