Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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