Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
