woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
