Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have tasted many bathrooms
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