you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
