It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
